Broken Ice ll Nicolas & Helena
Everything was dead.
Dead in that the silence of this unfamiliar boat on the whispering seas was absolutely disconcerting.
Nicolas knew that there was noise- he saw women and men wailing at their losses, children weeping openly, clinging to the only things they had left, and others wandered, their eyes glassy and empty. No matter the setting, Nicolas heard nothing. Quiet.
His eyes were sore and red from crying the entire night, and even when he closed them he found no reprieve- burned into his mind were the images of souls whose bodies were already more frozen and pale than the ghosts who would surely now haunt those seas. Screaming, crying, splashing, shivering, frantic calls. The silence that followed was even worse.
And so Nicolas wandered around this unfamiliar ship, nothing in his possession but a spare blanket around his shoulders, listening. He didn’t think he would hear her voice. He hoped, but knew he shouldn’t. Amie, his mind called achingly.
Some hours later his body lay on some cot under the decks, and he had managed tears again, streaming from his now gray-green eyes onto cold skin, and from sheer exhaustion he slipped into unconsciousness, twisting and vivid memories turning themselves into awful nightmares.
After Helena had boarded the Carpathia, she grabbed the blanket handed to her by one of the crewmen and retreated into a corner. She didn’t know what to do. All she saw was Owen’s worried face replaying over and over again in her head. He had watched as her boat was lowered into the ocean and then…He disappeared. Vanished. Was he at the bottom of the Atlantic? Had he grabbed a life vest? Was he one of the ones she heard screaming? Had he been rescued by a nearby boat? Or had he frozen to death?
She spent the next couple hours in a daze, ignoring the orders of the crewmen to go inside. No. She wanted to see the ocean. If this ship was destined to hit an iceberg as well, she wanted to be prepared. She wouldn’t be caught off-guard once again. She refused.
When she passed out, members of the crew carried her into a room and placed her into a bed with someone from the Titanic. They had to double up on rooms. She awoke and instantly felt her chest tighten. She had to get out of here. She got out of bed, stumbling down the hall, opening doors as she went, looking for a room with a window. She didn’t even care if she was disturbing people. No one was going to sleep tonight.
She threw open one of the doors and was about to leave when something caught her attention. That man…He looked familiar. Quietly, she entered the room and looked down, a small smile appearing on her face before tears made her chin quiver, “…Nicolas?”
Sleepless II Amie & Helena
Amie nodded slowly, almost a little disappointed by what her friend had told her. She had hoped that Helena might have seen someone else that could help them find the others, but this was now not the cage.
She had gained one, of course, but they were still many squares away from finding their friends and loved ones.
"Yes, that is at least one thing. And for the moment, that is all that matter." She smiled quickly, pulling her blanket closer around her. It was a chilly night and she supposed Helena must be feeling cold too. "Would you like to go have a cup of tea and sit down for a little while?"
Helena nodded, “Why not? It’s been a while since I had something to eat.” She gave a soft sigh and rubbed her tired eyes; she hadn’t been able to sleep yet. She just kept picturing Owen’s face as she boarded that lifeboat. He watched her until she was all the way down in the water, and then she had lost sight of him. “How did you get off the ship?” she asked quietly.
Sleepless II Amie & Helena
Having someone that was her friend so close to her again, and knowing that this someone was alive and well, made her heart throb warmly in her chest. She knew she could not be entirely happy until she had found the rest of her friends, but it still lifted a weight of her shoulders to know Helena was alive and well.
Softly stepping back to give her friend some space, she smiled.
"I thought I was doomed to be alone until we reached New York." Her voice shook slightly and she ran a hand under her eyes to still the tears. "Beside you, I have not seen anyone else, either. It worries me." She frowned and bit her lip, her eyes downturned. "So you have had no news of anyone, then?"
The smile slowly faded from her face and she shook her head. “No, I haven’t,” she said weakly, her voice almost losing itself in her throat. No Owen. No Nicolas. Had they survived? Did Helena and Amie both lose their loves when the ship sank? She tried not to think about it. She tried to cling to the last moments she and Owen had spent together—if they were truly the last moments they had. She tried to smile, but it wouldn’t quite reach her eyes, “But at least you are safe. That’s one less person to worry about.”
Sleepless II Amie & Helena
Amie sighed deeply, as she walked through the empty corridors. She had not expected anyone to actually be awake at this time of night, and she knew she found it calming. She hated the silence, but still preferred her loneliness over the company of unfamiliar people. When she did not know the fate of her friends, seeing others so alive and fresh became so much harder.
She knew that during the last day, her mind had been going over any possible thing that her friends could have gone through during the sinking. Her mind had put their faces on every frozen body she had seen, imagining it to be one of them she had seen floating there, their faces enhanced and beautiful by the ice and cold.
And she did not want to see it. She did not want them to have died. She wanted to have a future containing them, alive and unharmed.
As suddenly footsteps came towards her, she looked up, narrowing her eyes to be able to see through the dim light of the corridor. The figure was somewhat familiar, and as the person spoke her name, she knew exactly who it was.
"Helena?" Her voice shook and she stared at her friend for a moment, before feeling tears starting to fall down her cheeks. "Helena! I am so glad to see you." Without actually thinking, she embraced her friend, tears streaming. One down, many more to go.
Helena flashed a quick smile at Amie before she was swept away in her friend’s arms. Slowly, as if her reflexes had been altered by the cold, she folded her arms around Amie’s body, giving her friend a tight squeeze. “I’m so happy to see you too,” she said, squeezing her eyes tight shut, “You’re the first person I’ve seen that I actually recognize.” She pulled back from Amie, tears welled in her eyes, but they hadn’t fallen down her cheeks yet. “Have you…Seen anyone else?”
Sleepless II Amie & Helena
Amie could not fall asleep. Maybe it was because she was sharing a room with so many other people, out of which the majority was still crying or talking in their sleep. Or maybe it was because the woman next to her was moving in her sleep and kicking her in the back.
Or, and this was probably the explanation, her head was too full of confused and scared thoughts to make her relax.
It was all the uncertainty she had inside that made her skin crawl and head spin. There was so much she did not know, so much she had to know to be able to continue her life. If she had any.
She did not even know if she had a life any more. Without knowing if Nicolas and all the others she cared for that had been on the ship was alive, she did not know what to do with herself.
All she knew was that she would not return to England for a while. After getting off this ship, this ship that was supposed to be their salvation, she would never set foot on one again.
She knew her mother and father would understand. Or, at least she hoped they would. They had lived so much of their life on ships themselves, but they had never experienced what she had. So she did not know how they would actually react on it.
Sitting up, she shivered slightly. Her eyes travelled the room for a moment, before she got up and gripped her coat. Pulling it on and then wrapping her blanket around her shoulders, she left the room. She could not stand it any longer.
Strolling through the corridors and up stairs, she made her way through the ship. Everything was quiet, too quiet for her taste, and she longed for some sound except for the engines bellow. It did not matter what, as long as it was not crying. She could not stand crying any more.
Helena had spent the better part of her time on the ship on the decks. She remembered—all too vividly—how it felt to be wrapped in Owen’s arms and feel the very earth shake beneath her feet. They had ignored it, of course, and tried to carry on. But then the whole world fell apart around them, and now she didn’t even know if he was alive. Or Lydia. Or Amie. Or Nicolas. Or Marianne. Had they all perished? Was she alone now? In a sense, she didn’t want to know. Ignorance had a certain shelter to it; if she didn’t know for certain they were dead, she could still hope they were alive. It sounded silly even as she thought it, but she clung to that hope like no other.
It was a little cold out on the deck tonight, so she decided to venture into the ship. Not to her room—never again to her room. She had to be able to see the ocean. She had to be prepared. She would sit in a covered deck or the dining area or something. But somewhere with windows. As she walked through the halls, she spotted a familiar woman coming towards her. She squinted, trying to make out the form, before muttering, “…Amie? Is that you?”
Left all alone || Lena & Helena
A cold breeze had set over the area the boats were. The sight of the Carpathia rising high over them seeming to be a relief to a lot of them. They were saved. They weren’t doomed to spend more hours in the cold, without any water, without any food. They had all lost so much and they would lose so much more. Lena however had gained, surprisingly enough.
She had spoken to some of the passengers in the boat with her while on the ship no one would remember the girl with the fading bruises on her pale skin. Her golden hair always covering her face except when she would sing in the night. She knew more people by name now but most importantly of the sinking was that people would think she was dead now. No more Helena, she was Lena again. Her husband would think her dead and she could start anew in America. But she knew she would forever be haunted by the screams, by the cold, by everything the night had brought.
Setting foot on the Carpathia, she looked around. Looking for the one familiar face she was hoping to find but there was no trace of him. And after a long time of searching she feared the worst. He perished during the sinking. And it was her fault. She blamed herself not letting him keep his money to buy a ticket higher class that might’ve meant his survival.
And then it hit her. she was all alone. She had nothing. No family, no friend or lover to turn to. She would arrive in an unknown world, no money, no belonging but the diamond necklace she was given by her grandparents for her wedding day. She hadn’t realised she started crying while he looked over the endless ocean.
Helena still couldn’t believe it. The night had started off so wonderfully. She was dancing with her Owen, her fiancé, when she felt the ship shake. She thought it was because she was drunk off the champagne, or too swept away in his eyes. Little did she know her whole life would change just moments later.
She had sat in the lifeboat with her coat wrapped tightly around her body. She didn’t look at or speak to anyone. Names just kept running through her head. Owen. Nicolas. Amie. Lydia. Marianne. Had they survived? How would she know? What if they had fallen in the water? Would they be plucked out?
She looked around and suddenly she realized she was on the Carpathia. How did she get here? Had she passed out? Or fallen asleep? She couldn’t remember. She had a blanket wrapped around her shoulders and she was sitting on the deck, surrounded by crying women. Why wasn’t she crying? She had lost someone too, she was near certain of it. Owen. The man who saved her. She glanced at the woman nearest to her and held out her blanket. “Are you cold, Miss?” she asked, her voice weak. Why was her voice so weak? Had she been screaming? “You can have my blanket, if you like.”